Answered Prayer

It has taken me almost 6 months to be able to write this entry. I don't guarantee there will be no tears on my keyboard, either.


On August 10, 2009, my mother went into the hospital after having a massive heart attack. She died 8 days later at the young age of 67. We generally do not expect the unexpected and this was a complete shock to all of us who love her. At the beginning of this ordeal, we were hopeful that she would recover and go back to her normal life. However as the week progressed, it became more and more obvious that a quick recovery was becoming more and more evasive. When she had to be put on a respirator and feeding tube, we were told that she was being sedated in order to allow for her body to heal. As the days wore on and the sedation began to be withdrawn, she continued as if in the sedated state, with no response to outside stimulus. The doctors informed us that soon we would have to make some very difficult decisions.



Would we continue to hold out hope that she would once again have a quality of life in this world, or would we respect what we knew to be her wishes - even if they were not written - and allow her to go into the next world, if nature were to so choose. I do not wish that choice on anyone. This is choosing life or death. No one wants to see the person who is the most dear to them suffer, and then again, we cannot foresee the future and do not want to presume to do so. Making that choice to discontinue the invasive artificial life support is like pretending to know that the outcome otherwise would be inhumane suffering and ultimately death. On the other hand, succumbing to denial of the reality of the situation would ultimately precede the suffering of my mom who would basically likely be in a vegetative state for a long time. A very long time.


Many people would have responded to this by praying for life to continue on this earth. For healing. For hope.


I chose to pray to God, in what I suppose to be in a selfish manner, some might think. I prayed that God would not allow us to have to make this decision. I prayed that if His intentions were to take her now, to please just take her and not put her through the suffering of hanging on. If, on the other hand, if His work for her was not done on our earth, to please give us a real sign that she will recover to live a good quality of life. Of course, I truly hoped for the latter. Who wouldn't have. However, that was my plan, and not God's. In the early morning hours on the day the doctors had said would be the day of decisions, God chose to take her home. God did not allow for us to make a decision that may have resulted in further suffering. He did not allow us to put her through an awful death by withdrawing life support. And even though the family was not allowed to be there due to the lateness of the hour - I know that the angels were with her when she passed on.


I miss my mom every single minute of every single day. I still grieve with such sorrow that I cannot breathe. She was taken way too young. She will not be here to see our daughter grow and become a beautiful woman. But I do not blame God for this. I thank Him. I thank Him for every moment on the the phone with her, and for allowing me to be laid off in order to take a road trip with her during the summer of her passing. I thank him for being the loving God and not making her suffer and not making the family suffer needlessly. After all, we all will one day pass on, we cannt argue that. But to be able to do so with as little suffering as possible can also be an answered prayer.